Bengaluru, 9-9-12
Woke up, felt so helpless. What time is it? The lights are still on, my neck hurts. What time is it? Why did I dream what I dreamt? It's 4:09 am. I don't like the way I feel. The lights are still on, there's a mess on the bed. It's 4:13 am. I feel a bit confused, dizzy. It was a nightmare. I close my eyes again. The lights are still on. It's 4:20 am. I don't like that smell, does it come with the nightmare? Get up, get up, it'll be better if I just get up. It's 4:30 am. I just don't like how I feel. Hate to feel tired when I just woke up. That buzz inside my head, it goes to let me hear the silence. It's 4:35 am. The buzz is back. Why did I dream that, the... The trains and, and the rejection, the trains. The pain. The sepia all over. The pain, again the pain. Why did I dream that? It's 4:45 am. SP It's 5:00 am. The room's a mess. That smell. Toilet. Shower. It's 5:15 am. I don't like this, the images are not going away. The sorrow is not going away. The symptoms are not going away. Disclosure. Hatred. More sorrow. It's 5:30 am. Research. Fear. It's 6:00 am. In bed again, my family, the trains, the rejection. The pain. Why do I have to go over this again? It hurts. I have fear. TV. SP It's 6:30 am. That smell, I hate that smell. Shower.
Breakfast.
Visit to the Bazaar. Nothing fits my needs. Nothing fits my needs.
Lunch.
Blogging. Two tears. I want more, just a few more.
It's 4:07 pm.
Woke up, felt so helpless. What time is it? The lights are still on, my neck hurts. What time is it? Why did I dream what I dreamt? It's 4:09 am. I don't like the way I feel. The lights are still on, there's a mess on the bed. It's 4:13 am. I feel a bit confused, dizzy. It was a nightmare. I close my eyes again. The lights are still on. It's 4:20 am. I don't like that smell, does it come with the nightmare? Get up, get up, it'll be better if I just get up. It's 4:30 am. I just don't like how I feel. Hate to feel tired when I just woke up. That buzz inside my head, it goes to let me hear the silence. It's 4:35 am. The buzz is back. Why did I dream that, the... The trains and, and the rejection, the trains. The pain. The sepia all over. The pain, again the pain. Why did I dream that? It's 4:45 am. SP It's 5:00 am. The room's a mess. That smell. Toilet. Shower. It's 5:15 am. I don't like this, the images are not going away. The sorrow is not going away. The symptoms are not going away. Disclosure. Hatred. More sorrow. It's 5:30 am. Research. Fear. It's 6:00 am. In bed again, my family, the trains, the rejection. The pain. Why do I have to go over this again? It hurts. I have fear. TV. SP It's 6:30 am. That smell, I hate that smell. Shower.
Breakfast.
Visit to the Bazaar. Nothing fits my needs. Nothing fits my needs.
Lunch.
Blogging. Two tears. I want more, just a few more.
It's 4:07 pm.
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